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Sci-Fi Movie Survival Tips
By Linda | March 17, 2008
My 10-year-old and I love to watch science fiction movies together. Sunday is Sci-Fi Channel day at our house. Just lately we’ve been playing a game where within the first 5 minutes he guesses which characters are going to survive until the end of the movie. I would guess his predictions are right better than 95% of the time! If you watch enough movies like Frankenfish and Mansquito, you begin to catch on to the formula. It’s comfortingly predictable. For those of you who do not share our vast knowledge on the subject, I give you…
Ten Helpulful Sci-Fi Movie Survival Tips
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Don’t check to see if “it’s” really dead using anything other than the business end of a very powerful weapon. Kneeling down and putting your face next to a seemingly lifeless mutant, giant paramecium, or whatever to make sure that it’s no longer breathing is a very bad idea.
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Don’t be a screamer. Screamers always die.
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Don’t act to save yourself first. If you behave heroically, you may still die but if you are a coward it’s a done deal.
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Don’t muck with DNA. Even though splicing together the genes of a hammerhead shark, a silkworm and a Venus Fly Trap may seem like a really good idea, it isn’t.
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If you ignore rule number 4, you may still repent your bad judgment and redeem yourself with an act of selfless sacrifice but you will still die.
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If you ignore rule number 4 and rule number 5 you will of course die, and it will be particularly nasty.
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Have a name. If your party is attacked by a mob of alien flesh eaters, “Crewman number 7″ – yeah, the guy with the mustache; he’s not gonna make it.
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If you are not the hero type, being funny may save you. If you do escape doom because of your quirky sense of humor, you can expect to disappear somewhere during a big action scene. Everyone will think that you are dead until the final moments of the movie when you get to “pop up” from the supply closet or ceiling panel where you were hiding giving everyone a good laugh. If you do not reappear, well….
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If your normally friendly pet dog bares his teeth and backs away from one of your friends or colleagues, you can pretty much bet the farm that said friend or colleague has been invaded, infested, replicated or infected.
- If you and seven other people have all been firing your weapons directly at it for more than ten seconds and it hasn’t dropped, it’s time to run.
Like pizza and milk, some things are just not meant to be put together. To see how bad it can get if you blend together some really incompatible species Click Here!
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Topics: Jokes & Humor, Movies & TV, The Petri Dish |
March 20th, 2008 at 2:24 am
[...] Science Junkies has posted a list of 10 Helpful Sci-Fi Movie Survival Hints. [...]
March 27th, 2008 at 12:08 am
[...] To ensure your survival should you find yourself in a Sci-Fi movie, read these helpful survival tips. [...]
May 9th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
[...] I first mentioned in my post titled Sci-Fi Movie Survival Tips, My 10-year-old Science Junkie and I are huge science fiction movie fans. We love to make a game [...]