Unconventional Inventions

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By Linda | September 26, 2008

When I was about six years old I fell in love with the Mouse Trap game by Milton Bradley. I was drawn in by the idea of all those colorful gadgets, gears and gizmos working together to set off the trap at the end. It’s funny but when my kids saw this game (yes, it’s still available) they were mesmerized by it as well. Whether due to it’s Rube Goldberg-ish quality or perhaps just the appeal of a silly invention - probably both, the Mouse Trap game continues to fascinate.

Who doesn’t love a silly invention? The London Times online published a list of 10 of their picks for the most useless real-life inventions ever devised (and patented!) Here are 5 of my favorites. To see the whole list CLICK HERE.

1. The combined plow and gun
Patent no 35600, issued 1862

Rather than turn your sword into a ploughshare, why not combine your plough with a medium-sized artillery piece? It’s bound to be so much more effective than shouting “get orf moi land” at errant ramblers. Or, as the American inventor claimed, “Its utility is unquestionable, especially when used in border localities, subject to savage feuds and guerrilla warfare. In times of danger may be used in the field, ready charged with its deadly missiles of ball or grape. The share serves to anchor it firmly in the ground and enables it to resist the recoil, while the hand levers furnish convenient means of giving it the proper direction.”

2. Device for waking persons from sleep
Patent no 256265, issued 1882

Sometimes, an alarm clock just isn’t quite enough for rousing heavy sleepers to face the day. So why not hang an array of weights on a frame above the snoozer’s head and, with the help of clockwork machinery, drop them upon their head until they wake? “When they fall it will strike a light blow, sufficient to awaken the sleeper, but not heavy enough to cause pain,” assures the inventor. Surely it’s just bound to cause stubborn sleepers simply to pull the covers over their heads.

3. Balloon propelled by eagles or vultures
Patent no 863087, issued 1887

First, catch your eagle or vulture. Then attach the large bird to a balloon cupola, point its beak in desired direction, then sit back, relax and enjoy the in-flight snacks and movie. There’s a kind of simple genius to this idea, but a few potential snags make themselves apparent. Yes, there will be protests by animal lovers, but perhaps more pertinent is the fact that large birds of prey or carrion are notoriously uncooperative in matters of providing predictable and directable propulsion. Oh, and won’t they peck holes in the balloon?

4. Method of preserving the dead
Patent no 748284, issued 1903

Having trouble finding a suitable memorial for your loved one? How about having them permanently encased in glass? Herkimer J. Karkowski, the New Yorker who devised this tidy and decorative form of body-disposal seems to have been rather less squeamish than the average mourner. He believed that bereaved people would love nothing more than seeing their departed hermetically encased within a block of transparent glass, and thus “maintained for an indefinite period in a perfect and lifelike condition”. If an entire glass-encased relative might take up too much parlour-space, Karkowski suggested just having their head done. An attractive adornment to any mantelpiece. Or a handy doorstop?

5. Sound-muffler for covering the mouth
Patent no 4834212, issued 1989

It’s the invention that really makes you want to scream – but no one will hear you. Moira and Frank Figone a couple from Belmont, California, created this face-tube device to enable purchasers to “Yell or scream without disturbing others, allowing them to vent built-up anger and frustration.” In this fiendishly basic design, the interior of the flat-bottomed muffler tube is coated with sound-absorbing foam. But here’s the clever bit: a microphone can be included to pick up a some sound and activate a light display or meter, “giving the user immediate visual feedback as to the intensity of sound produced”. Because otherwise, you’d never know, eh?

Here are a few of my suggestions for some new devices should some bored genius want an engineering challenge.

LP Gas Powered Sweater (very cozy)

Radio Controlled Golf Ball (no one needs to know)

Fur Lined Sink (the height of luxury)

Fruitcake Powered Christmas Lights (you’re not going to eat it anyway)

Solar Cat Polisher (very green!)

Speaking of cats, how about these nifty Duster Slippers for Cats?: Now the most boring job around the house becomes hours of fun. Not for you, but for your cat! With these dust-dislodging foot socks, cats can play their part in easing the pressure of domestic chores.

The Ig Nobel Awards celebrate just this sort of ingenuity. To see the prize winning inventions and their creators CLICK HERE

How about a nice poem about inventions? CLICK HERE